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Top 10 Funniest Letterman Jokes About Marriage, Family & Parenting

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Top 10 Funniest Letterman Jokes About Marriage, Family & Parenting


"You suck, Dad."

5. Instead of, “You suck, Dave,” I can look forward to, “You suck, Dad.”

As fans of David Letterman are acutely aware, the countdown has begun: just nine more days ’til the end of the Late Show.  And it only seems appropriate to honor Dave’s reign in late-night television with a top 10 list of our own…

Top 10 Funniest Letterman Jokes About Marriage, Family & Parenting

10. In pop culture news, Lady Gaga got married. And yes, she was wearing white meat.

9. Be careful if you go to Disneyland. There’s an outbreak of measles. They have traced the disease to Donald Duck running around without his pants.

8.  According to a new survey, people who get divorced die early. People who stay married live longer. The difference is they just wish they were dead.

7. Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.

6. You have Kim Jong Il, and you have his brother, Menta Lee Il.

5.   Instead of, “You suck, Dave,” I can look forward to, “You suck, Dad” (Dave joked of becoming a dad).

4.  I’m so excited for my son. On Christmas morning I want to see his face, to be there when he opens the gifts. I want the see what my assistants got him for Christmas.

3. Bring Your Child to Work Day — that’s how we got George W. Bush.

2.  I was once involved in a same-sex marriage. There was the same sex over and over and over.

1. Parenting isn’t always easy, Letterman once noted to Oprah on her talk show in 2007. “It is the constant razor’s edge—do you make your point with patience or discipline,” he mused, adding that Harry was placed on the “naughty chair” over the weekend for misbehaving.

“He’s still there,” he deadpanned.


 

Bonus! (Oh, yes.  There is a BONUS!)  Here is Dave’s Mother’s Day tribute to his 93-years-young mom, Dorothy, who was an integral and hilarious part of his show:


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Candy Kirby is the founder of MotherHumor and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats who are the real brains behind this operation.

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