Candy Kirby
Or not-so-secretly.
1. Went the entire day with your pants unbuttoned and unzipped.
That is, if you even wore pants.
2. Didn’t shave.
Hairy legs, don’t care.
3. Went to the drive-thru by yourself and super-sized that order.
Then washed it down with a milkshake.
4. Dropped something and didn’t pick it up.
5. Not worn certain shoes because, well…
Unless you’re Kim Kardashian, of course.
6. Blamed your behavior on your hormones.
“IT’S THE HORMONES!”
7. Made a show of holding your hand under your belly so people would know you are pregnant, not fat.
Then lovingly rubbed it for good measure.
8. Peed a little in your pants.
Which is to be expected when a baby is using your bladder as a squeeze toy.
9. Squeezed your nipples to see if breast milk would squirt out.
Like a water gun, but way cooler!
10. Held long conversations with your belly.
Perhaps the best conversations you’ve ever had.
11. Said all you cared about was that the baby was healthy, when you were secretly hoping, wishing and praying for a girl or a boy.
Which leads us to when you perhaps…
12. Got disappointed if the sex of the baby wasn’t what you were hoping for.
But you got over it. Or at least pretended to.
13. Had some weird discharge.
WHAT IS THAT?!
14. Used your pregnancy as an excuse to not have to do something.
Wash the dishes? BUT IT’S NOT GOOD FOR THE BABY!
15. Drank caffeine.
And still felt tired.
16. Passed gas in public.
Then blamed it on your husband. Taking the fall for you is the least he can do.
