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What “Game of Thrones” Is About, As Written By Someone Who Has Never Watched It

Television

What “Game of Thrones” Is About, As Written By Someone Who Has Never Watched It


Ellen---Game-of-Thrones2

The HBO series Game of Thrones is all the rage with TV viewers. I know this because of all the “OMG! I’M SO EXCITED ABOUT THE NEW SEASON OF GAME OF THRONES!” status updates that have started clogging my Facebook feed. I’m afraid to admit this, because I know fans of the show can be a bit, er, overzealous, but I haven’t seen a single episode of Game of Thrones. I know, I know…and I call myself a pop culture addict? The shame! But alas, I haven’t had HBO since the Dark Ages, otherwise known as when Sex and the City went off the air. So, instead of investing the time and money to find out what all the hoopla is about, I thought I’d just share what I think the show is about. To wit:

What “Game of Thrones” Is About, As Written By Someone Who Has Never Watched It

• A game show in which preschool contestants compete in a nail-biting game of musical chairs… only with, you know, thrones. Thus, GAME OF THRONES.
• Socially acceptable porn. (Yes, I have heard there is nudity. Lots and lots of nudity.)
• A reality show in which drunk college students must share the same house with only bathroom — and, therefore, ONE PORCELAIN THRONE in which to get sick. Which hungover co-ed will get there in time? Find out in the next episode of GAME OF (PORCELAIN) THRONES!
• A hidden camera captures Prince Harry and Prince William competing for the throne with Harry’s favorite game: strip billiards. (Which would certainly explain its popularity.)
• I really don’t know, but if it’s on radio or TV, Ryan Seacrest must have something to do with it.  Or Ellen.  Yes, of course — ELLEN!

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Candy Kirby is the founder of MotherHumor and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats who are the real brains behind this operation.

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